this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this will be a night to untag.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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