I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
