I didn't shave. On purpose
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
