drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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