Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
