I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
