I don't remember. Are we still dating?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
