My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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