cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
