They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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