Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
