Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
