running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
