What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
