i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
