and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
