I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
