My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
