Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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