rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
