Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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