I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
God, I missed his penis.
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