just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
