I can tuck mytits in my pants
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
