You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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