She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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