everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
