I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
