it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
