Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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