True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize
