conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
