The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
