Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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