what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
His hands were made for my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
