Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
