found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
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