non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
