Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
