oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
