and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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