I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
