I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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