Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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