Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
