history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
