I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
