Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
