I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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