i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
