you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
