i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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