and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
